Catharine's Castle

不知道從什麼時候開始, 胸口總是悶悶的,胃裡總是有一股翻繳的感覺.

我想吐.

這樣子的徵狀總是伴隨著不好的情緒,難過的,傷心的,心有餘而力不足的,無法挽回的,無法控制的.
甚至有時候,是那種無望的感覺.

也從來沒有嘗試過去催吐還是什麼,那樣子的方法太極端也太傷害自己,
心口卻像就要窒息一般, 我只好一而再再而三,深深的,深深的吸氣,再吐氣.

 

常常眼淚也是隨之而來的,只是總不能動不動就哭,

所以我更大力的呼吸了.

 

這無來由的病,我到底該找誰?

Dear,

 

It is too short after I 've known you, and it is too fast that you've left us.

It is still a shock to me that you've gone, and I still cannot understand, how and why.

 

You've just graduated, got married, and moved to a new city, everything will be a new start for you, so hopeful and cheerful.

and I just about seeing your projects become products, about hearing more news in your new life,

about wating n seeing how people will know that we have such a great artist in our country.

but all of these, gonna be just a hope.

 

It is too late that I havne't seen you and talked to you in person, through your articles,

I know it must be great to know you. I still can wish someday, you will have your exhibition,

but I will never have a chance to listen to your presentation about your projects.

 

I still cannot believe that you are no longer write new articles, bring new ideas, and around us.

but I know for all the past, you've been a great aritist, a great blogger,and a girl next door.  

I will miss you.

 

May you rest in peace

 

不知道為什麼今天很想要往南邊走走,
晚上六點半看天色還亮著就出門了,
一上路發現霧還蠻大的,不過過了hicky blvd霧就又都不見了

 

順路去hillsbrough那邊逛一逛,很喜歡那種森林裡面有大房子的感覺XD
一不小心還闖進私人道路, 還好沒有警衛還是什麼的把我驅逐

 

(上面的告示牌寫禁止擅自闖入XDD 重點是這已經是我看到第二個告示牌了XDD

 

(所謂的豪門深似海, 就是說豪宅的門要走很遠才會到

門口竟然有小橋 這是什麼世界嘛~~)

 

 

趁天色還沒暗, 想到halfmoon bay就在附近卻一直都沒去過
navigation設定好之後發現只有9mi,
沒想到這9mi開了我近20分鐘有
92號一過了280的Junction, 霧就開始變大了

 

從來沒開過這裡, 又是彎彎曲曲的山路,好山好景現在全沒心情看
一心只想趕快到達目的地, 好在天色還沒有全暗,
所以開得還算是可以.

 

到了halfmoon bay 附近幾乎天黑了,隨便拍了一兩張照片
就趕快回家,滿腦子想著剛剛那樣子的路天黑了我要怎麼開回去啊~
沒想到navigation叫我走1號公路,心裡想1號我知道啊
想到或許有機會可以避開92號那蜿蜒的山路就毫不猶豫的走1號了

 

沒想到這竟然是另外一個更錯誤的決定,回家的路上霧更大了

能見度大概只有一輛車, 我得專心的看著路上的黃色反光點看
才可以看出路的走向, 一路開下來霧大到開霧燈還會有眩光
雙向又都是單線道,一邊開一邊快要哭出來了
後面又有車跟得很緊 不知道是不是嫌我開得太慢
來美國這麼久,第一次遇到這種,
硬著頭皮咬著牙都得要自己撐下去的情況

 

下次,我不敢在大霧天開生路了啦~~~> <
真的超恐怖的...
而且都沒看到風景 也完全沒有放鬆到 Orz.. :(

 

看起來很像清晨, 其實是晚上八點半左右 快天黑了

有時候他來的太急, 他不是你想像中的花前月下,不是你夢寐以求的浪漫邂逅

不過你們看了夜景,看了電影, 一起去度假, 享受只有兩人的燭光晚餐

好像普通的戀人們, 你們甚至一起逛起家具店 , 偶爾也一起下廚.

你們熱情擁抱, 感受對方的體溫, 也親吻對方, 就像電視劇上熟悉的畫面

 

只是, 你們不牽手.

還以為已經跨越彼此的差異, 消抿雙方的代溝

但只要一天不牽手, 你們就一天不是真正的戀人.

原來小時候的牽手情竟是如此單純,如此情深意遠

而當長大了, 這最簡單的一步卻是他永遠到不了, 最困難的一步.  

"t doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy."

 

一直很喜歡這段 特別是上面這段.

 

完整版也很touching

Iris: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

 

cited site: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457939/quotes

又是夢
我似乎在夢裡面能恣意發揮, 做一些現實生活中做不出來的事情

 

其一:

 

我在台灣百貨公司逛街,明亮卻溫馨的燈光,光可鑑人的地板.
煩人的男朋友又打電話來,我已經告訴她我們就到此為止難道還聽不懂嗎?
所以我說了 : 對 現在 分手 立刻 馬上,就是 分    手! 我不想再說了,你煩不煩?

 

不用怕被潑硫酸或者報復跟蹤, 我似乎不顧一切的說出了 分手兩個字.

不過那是誰?誰帶著陽光的笑容和閃亮的眼睛陪著我逛街? 陪著我媽媽妹妹血拼?

 

其二:

 

我在學校上課,又被教官念著我的頭髮衣服不合格.
我大拍桌子,跟她說以外表來評斷一人非常的不公平,

告訴她我既不殺人犯火也不打家劫舍,愛美是人的天性

你不能剝奪我對我自己外表管理的自主權.

 

"反正只會盯著學生們到底哪裡有犯規的你們,也只不過是一群失敗者,
只有如此你才能從你的工作獲得成就感 多可憐啊"

我轉身走人 心裡想著 我根本不屬於這裡

 

 

其三

 

umm...還是讓他留在夢裡面吧!

 

 

原來雖然自認膽大包天的我,在某些地方還是如此膽小啊~